If I want to think about people getting spanked, I'll just go on Xtube.īut in the lead up to the release of the film based on the books - when every second of my morning and evening commute started to be conducted under the watchful eyes of Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, making sex faces at me from the posters that covered every flat surface in New York City - I realized that I could not ignore this phenomenon any longer. I typically prefer to reserve my reading time for books about true crimes, Bruce Springsteen, and/or angry ghosts.
It's not that I had anything against the books: hey, I liked Secretary, and isn't Fifty Shades of Grey just Secretary for people who don't own Decemberists albums? But I just didn't feel like I had the time to check them out. I got the impression that the books were actually selling slightly better than the M&Ms (though why people wanted to get hot and bothered on a five-hour flight to Reykjavik still remains a mystery to me). But somehow, over the past three years, I had managed to entirely avoid a book series that has over 100 million copies in print, a book that I often had to physically move out of the way in airport bookstores just to get to a package of peanut M&Ms. I knew that they were based on Twilight fan fiction I knew that they were about a kinky billionaire with a sex dungeon and I knew that they were what everyone and their mom (literally) jills off to. When they start getting into it let them know where the words are from and what time you’d like to go to the theater.Let me note right off that bat that, before I used quotes from the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy during sex, I had never read a word of any of the books. Text a significant other some quotes from Fifty Shades of Grey. The eager poet.īud-light (because he definitely seems up for whatever).īutts and dancing? Twerk is a good nickname for this one. It’s no secret the book is a guilty pleasure for most women, but what about the guys, how would we react to some of the things said in the book? We’ve done our share of judging, but are we immune to the charm of Christian or the kind-hearted intrigue of Ana? Curiosity and boredom, a deadly combination, got the best of me, so with the help of a girl friend I borrowed her phone, signed into her Tinder account, right swipe, right swipe and had myself a few conversations using nothing but quotes from the Fifty Shades trilogy.
Over the next few days millions of people will be sitting in theaters full of strangers, trying to not be the first one to uncomfortably laugh like you’re in 7th grade sex ed and the teacher is saying penis an awful lot. Universal Pictures’ Fifty Shades of Grey finally hit theaters today.
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